SOS

Raising kids is hard work. Sometimes I just don't know if I'm doing right or wrong. It is hard to be the comforter, enforcer, listener, mom, and dad all in one. I am grateful for the help that I have, don't get me wrong, but it is I who will ultimately be accountable, and I just hope that I am towing the line. I try to do what i think is right, not be to strict, but not be a pushover. Sometimes I feel bad and want to give in and give them all they want because they got a raw deal, but I know that does not do anyone any good. I know that I have a lot to learn, and I am more than willing. Some days are harder than others and lately I have been overwhelmed. I know I'll make it, somehow. When they are babies and small kids, you really don't think that the day will come when they will become young men and women, and then before you know it they are closer than ever to becoming men and women. I never really thought much about who they were gonna be and that I was responsible for shaping that person. Maybe because I was so young, and over all I think that I could have done worse, and now more than ever I have to hold on to the reigns and lead them into this next stage of life. Unfortunatley I am in unchartered territory, and all the responsibilty falls on me. I have really made some crummy choices and I hope and pray that they learned some lessons with me. All I can do is apologize and pick myself back up and show them what happens when the choices you make do not align with what God wants and what you know is right. It is a learning process for us all and we all grew up together. But I thank God for them everyday and I do not regret the way it all went down, not one bit. Now I completely understand why people say wait, wait on kids, marriage, everything. If I could only drill it in the heads of young people today that until your a little older you just don't get it, none of it, and some of it maybe you never get. Being a grownup sucks sometimes, and I have learned recently that being the bad guy sucks all the time! xoxoxo

me. myself, and i

Let me start by saying that I'm not perfect and will never claim to be. I sin, I fall short, significantly so, from grace everyday and I am thankful that I serve a God who gives more than second chances. At the same time, I serve a God who requires me to be accoutable for MY actions, and who I will answer to one day, which is scary to think about sometimes. Even though God forgives, has compassion, is merciful, and loves me unconditionally, I have a responsibilty to follow and obey His Word. I believe that I don't "have" to sin everyday, even though I do, I think that that goal is attainable. Have I reached that goal, not yet, maybe someday. Lately I have been searching, thinking, reading, wondering what I am supposed to do. I have asked before what my purpose is, and so far all I have gotten is to wait. So while I wait, I am gonna worship because that's why I was initially created. I think that I am learning where my calling is, besides music & worship. I have a passion for people, and specifically people that are misunderstood & who don't "do" church, for people who are addicted & marked as the worst kind of sinners, and many more. See I do not come from church, that's not my background. I did not grow up in church, I grew up around church.I come from the world and let me tell ya, at times, it is hard to leave it behind, but like I always tell my kids, "if it's not hard, it's not worth it!" My heart just hurts for people who do not know God & at the same time my heart hurts for people who know Him, but are so fanatical, judgemental, and hypocritical that they don't really "know" Him. Take the people from Westboro church in Oklahoma, I just wanna say thanks to them for confirming to the world what they think Christianity is all about.It is sad that other "Christians" are setting us back so far, that these kind of shannigans they pull reflect on Christianity as a whole. It makes us look as though we are serving a God who is the complete opposite as what we say He is. America is already lost enough, do Christians really need to add extra layers on top of the junk people believe today? No wonder people think Christians are a joke. I can't stand the signs that they carry that read thing like "God Hates Fags" well first of all, God does not hate! That word is the polar opposite of what He is! God loves, love wins ( and not the Rob Bell book, that's a whole new subject). What we need is Christians that love people, all people, and Chrisitians that tell people the truth, what the Word says, not what we want it to say. People need to know that God is an awesome, loving, compassionate, merciful, forgiving, healing, all powerful God, but that there is one way to Him and one way to Heaven & that is through His son Jesus Tthat's what the Bible says, maybe I'll send a copy to Rob Bell). This is not really what I thought was gonna come out of me today, but it is. Like I said before, I am not perfect, I am a sinner saved by grace. I have probably sinned today, actually I'm sure of it, and I have not always lived the way I should. I have fallen way to many times to count, I have been a hypocrite, I have let my mouth run free when I shouldn't ( a lot actually), but He still stays right there, by my side, waiting for me to chose to act right & follow Him again. I am just thankful for that and for His faithfulness. When life is throwing curve balls & changing at the drop of a hat, He stays exactly the same.

....Rob Bell is a pastor & author that teaches that everyone goes to heaven, & once I finish the book & am more educated I'm sure I'll have plenty to post on the subject.


Also, for any typos, misspelled word, incorrect puncuation, it's a blog....get over it : )

Blogging

This is my new blog, well my only blog. Recently I have felt an urge to write again, and what better place to do so? I just really miss writing and am excited about this because I can express myself and my feelings about things that I am passionate about. Not everything that I write about here will be completely about me personally, sometimes I just see something on tv that sparks my interest. So, the point is, don't over analyze this too much : ) To whom ever follows, I hope you enjoy, comment, pray, sing, laugh, cry... And enjoy! Xoxo, Nikki